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Uh-oh

June 28th, 2010

I think I am having some Rebif side effects after all..
I didn’t get the usual flu-like symptoms or even the site reactions – nah -I got the suicide ideation ..
Go me- I always get the good ones eh?
I was warned so I was aware that it could happen. It did.
I have been entertaining the idea of ending it all. I believe that my MS is getting worse and I do not want to end up in a wheelchair.
I will let my MS  nurse know about. As long as it doesn’t progress to self harm or anything worse.
Important part- I know whats happening here.

I went to the Dentist today. A filling dropped out on on Saturday afternoon. It has been hell and high water trying to keep any food particles from entering the cavity. I got an emergency appointment for 12.15 pm and by twenty five past it was done and dusted.

Apart from having the notion to off myself ,all is goodish.lol

I am too good! you could not make this shit up!

 

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I Wonder..

May 25th, 2010

So I awoke this morning feeling completely ‘normal’ something I have not experienced in about three years?

I am used to having a low grade ‘hum’ that runs through my body. It is just ‘there’ it isn’t painful or anything like that , it’s just- I don’t know? ‘There’ ? lol

Well it isn’t any more, it’s gone. And I feel normal and my body seems to be back in sync ? It is really weird ya know?

I am on first dose which is 0.5 mg or something like. I will stay on that for two weeks and then I will progress to the next dosage until over a four week period I am on the full dose which is 44 mcg three times per week.

I don’t think that I will ever be entirely okay that but I can’t do anything about it really. I have heard that within five years the injections will be obsolete and will give way to oral therapies. LDN anyone? lol

 

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May 24th, 2010

So I went to the appointment this morning. We ran through the pros and cons ie what I’ve spent the last six weeks researching. Not to be a big head but yeah I was aware of all the ins and outs regarding actually starting the Rebif, by law she had to do it,  so it was fine. We got to the actual injecting part.

I would like to make a sublime comment on how a cataclysmic cosmic event happened, the earth stood still etc but I can’t.

It didn’t. The moment passed in a blink of an eye, and to be honest I had to ask her ” Is that it?”

I didn’t feel the needle inject.. I know after weeks of agonising and  debates that concluded in total inner turmoil- well you know the script right?

It was over. It barely left a mark on my skin-a small red entry point that faded within the hour.

I felt fine until about 2 pm, I was finishing making the dinner, when I felt myself ‘crumble’. To be perfectly honest that happens every day, when I’m done making dinner. Standing up for more than a few minutes at a time makes my spine cease to exist. After the troops have had their troughs filled , I normally bail anyway and go lie down for about an hour in order to recover.

Except after an hour I did not recover. I have never had the flu proper, plenty of colds yes, but no flu. I have taken two extra strength paracetamol , a naproxen and a full baclofen within the past hour and I still feel like shit!

I need some LDN! gawds be – I think it’s a seriously early night for me.

Here’s hoping tomorrow will be better.

 

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